REAL STORIES

Age: 21
Gender: Female

I never thought I would fall victim to meth, I was wrong. I grew up around it, my mom, aunts, grandma, and most of their friends were on it. I saw what it did to them, they were awesome "parents" while they were on it most times, they would stay up (at the time I just thought they stayed up after I went to bed, little did I know, it was for days) cook, clean, be everything you expect a parent to be. But when they crashed, they crashed for days, 2-3 days they would lay around the house sleeping, they didn't care who was over, or what we were doing, how could they, they were knocked out cold. I was ashamed to bring friends over. I always defended my family however, whenever someone asked why they slept all the time, I would lie and say they stayed up working all night, when I knew none of them had a job. I knew I did NOT want to be anything like them, ever.

I was in 9th grade when I started smoking weed, everyone was doing it, and it wasn't a big deal. I was one of the popular kids in school because I always made people laugh. I was on top of the world, I thought I could do anything I wanted to anybody and I would still stay popular. It was the beginning of 11th grade when I first tried meth. One of my best friends who had recently started using (and the same person who got me started on weed) introduced it to me one day. He kept offering over several days, and I was hesitant, I knew I didn't want to do it, but finally, curiosity kicked in. it was behind a bunch of bushes I first took my hit of tweak, it was only a couple hits, but we both smoked it until there was nothing left in the pipe. I watched my friend because he seemed like he knew what he was doing, and he did. After we finished that "bowl" we went for a walk, and went about our business like we had planned. I got home later that night and felt like a ball full of energy, I was excited at the time, because I had never tried this, I didn't know what to expect and it was fun. I managed to go to bed that night, but the next morning at school I craved it, I craved it bad. It wasn't me who was craving it, I mean, my brain knew I shouldn't be messing with that stuff, but my BODY craved the drug. I will never forget that feeling. I have never felt that feeling about anything else in my life except meth (the way your body craves it). I remember calling my friend that morning at school, and telling him, "I need it, I'm craving it, when can we do it again?" he said as soon as I got out of school. I was excited to see him again because I knew we would tweak again, and we did. Weeks turned into months, months turned into a year.

During that year I began to use meth almost everyday. I learned little tricks about the drugs, like not to wear makeup while I tweak because it will make me break out bad. I never picked my skin, and I was fortunate enough not to see things that weren't there. My friend was not as lucky as me however. I tried to hide from my family because I didn't want them to see how pale my skin has become. One night I lied to my mom and told her I was going to church, and asked for a ride, she asked me if I was tweaking because I looked so pale and my eyes had this creepy high look on them, I became aggressive and lied to her. I just wanted to keep using. I didn't care who I hurt, hell, why would I? She was doing it too. I was not smart enough to see she had been thru a lot, a she couldn't stop using, but she definitely did not want that type of life for me. She would have gave anything for me to stop using, anything, but I didn't. I lied, and avoided her as much as possible so that I could keep using. On my meth journey, I met many people on the way, people who wanted to have sex with me for beer, or drugs, and I was too naïve and young and I let them, all because I wanted to get high. At school I was no longer the popular kid at school, I pushed everyone away because I wanted to tweak, I didn't care about my popularity or my friends, as long as I had tweak, that's all that mattered. I broke away from my friend who got me hooked and made other tweak friends of my own. Down that road I met an older man who lied and tricked me into his made up world. He said he was involved with some pretty dangerous people, and that people were following him all the time. It was until later on after the meth was out of my system I learned that this was not true. He hustled money from me so we could buy tweak together, eventually, I ran out of money, and had to start asking my grandmother for some. I lied and told her it was because I owed a friend for the movies or some other excuse. She always gave me money. And she never knew I was lying.

I brought the money back to the older man for more drugs, he was sexually aroused by me, but I would never give it up. At the time I had only had sex once, and did not want to do it again until I found the right person. He told me the dangerous people he was involved with knew something was not right between him and me, and that to prove it was I would have to have sex with him. I told him no I didn't want to, and he said they would come after my family if I didn't. Fearing for my families' safety, I had sex with him. It was in an old parking lot, in some busted down van. I was scared, but I just wanted to get it over with, for my families' sake, and for my own. After that, he told me he was happy and he let me leave the van, I went home. I felt like hell the rest of the night, and I was scared I had caught an STD (which I was later tested and found I had not). I had never felt so degraded, I never wanted to feel like that again, and I never wanted anything to do with him ever again. He kept calling my number but I didn't answer, he stayed outside my house waiting for me to come out, but I never did. I completely ignored him. I never wanted to do meth again, but I didŠ

After many long months later of using and using meth, one night, I tripped badly. It was a feeling I had never felt before while I was high. I came home extremely high that night, and was paranoid; I kept looking out my bedroom window, kept thinking somebody was staring at me thru the cracks in my blinds. My body was cold, and sweating, my heart was beating fast. I put on a jacket because I was so cold, but I didn't help, I was cold and sweating, I just wanted it to stop, my stomach was hurting, and turning inside. As the hours went on I began to have more and more hard time breathing, I felt like I needed somebody to breath air in my lungs for me, but no one was there. Hours went on, and I still felt terrible. I thought I was having a heart attack, or maybe something was wrong with my organs and they were shutting down, then I figured I was having a panic attack, or maybe an anxiety attack. I kept fighting it all night, not to die, please don't die. I begged God, I told him if he let me live I would not tweak anymore; I swore to him I would keep my word. Just please let me be alright. This whole feeling went on for about 6-7 hours, and I saw the sun rise. I tried hard to calm myself down, and breath, I finally managed to get myself together after that rough night. I stopped sweating to much, I stopped feeling sick to my stomach, and I could finally breath normal again. I can honestly say those were the absolute worst hours of my life, ever!! I walked out of my room and looked at my family, they asked me if I had a hard night drinking, I told them no, just feeling sick. I was tired of lying to my family to hide my drug usage. Till this day I'm not sure what exactly was wrong with me that night, but I know whatever it was, it happened for a reason, God wanted it to happen, and I thank him. I thank him for giving me a second chance. I had managed to lie to my family for 2 years, but I absolutely would not lie to God. I promised him I would quit if he let me live, and he did. So I told myself I would quit!

I take that event as hitting rock bottom. But it was hard, later that night I found myself down the same street, with the same tweaked out people, having a few beers, I knew what was coming next, and they were going to bring out the tweak. I drank and drank, and after a few hours I couldn't handle the pressure anymore, I couldn't stand see people tweak in front of me. I broke down and left faster than a speeding bullet. I came home that night and my mom asked me what was wrong, I completely broke down (because I knew I had almost broke my promise to God, I was close to using again) I fell to my knees and cried to my mom for help. I begged her to help me somehow, I told her I did not want this life anymore, I wanted to be better and I wanted to do better. I begged and begged her to help me somehow, do something to save me mom. And she did, the next day she moved me far away to another city with relatives. I didn't know anybody; better yet I didn't know where to score drugs. I had no choice to get myself straight again so that I could go back home with my friends and everything that I knew. I stayed with relatives until I graduated high school, I did the right thing, I went a whole year without tweaking once, and I even managed to graduate early. I then moved back home with my mother again. But this time was different, I WANTED to get straight, I wanted to be clean. I WANTED to stay clean finally. I didn't want that life for me, or for my siblings, I knew I had to do right and make something of myself to show everyone that you can really get clean, and make something of yourself. And so far I have.

I am now clean for 5 years, and loving every minute of it. I have since then joined the military and have become a much decorated service member. I have matured a lot, and experienced life. I have seen good things and bad, and I know I can never be around that stuff again. Sometime I think about it, and I feel my body craving it again, after 5 years I still feel that terrible feeling. I KNOW I can never be around it, or hear people do it, sometimes I smell something that reminds of when I used to tweak and I feel completely sick to my stomach, I just want to gag. I hold my breath and get away as fast as possible. I do not want that life for me or my family, my family has since then gotten clean, they had to since social services have came in our life and taken all the children away, luckily for me, I was 18 at the time and they could not take me too. My family has finally gotten straight too, and has after 4 years of fighting for their kids, gotten custody back. I am proud of them. And I will continue for the rest of my life to inform people not to use meth because all it took for me was ONE hit, and my life changed forever. I got arrested and went to jail, I\'ve lied, and cheated, and stolen from everyone I love and care about for meth. I've been in places I've never thought I would be just so I could get high, I've done things I've never thought id do just so I could get high. I'm telling everyone, it is NOT worth it. Please don't try it. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I was one of those kids saying: it wont happen to me" and "I'll just do it once" but with meth, you don't have any control anymore, your body has control, and you cannot do anything about it. Meth truly ruins your life and the lives of people around you. You cannot help somebody kick meth, if they themselves do not want to kick it. There is hope for all of you who feel hopeless, it is not your fault, please do not give up on the person who is using. But do not support them either.

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